


Not Your

by Unproductive_Fangirl



Category: Marvel, Spider-Gwen (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018), Spider-Woman (Comic)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Death, Friendship, Gen, Guilt, Loss, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-12-26 14:30:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18284174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unproductive_Fangirl/pseuds/Unproductive_Fangirl
Summary: Gwen finds herself in a New York that is similar, but very clearly not her own. No idea what to do, she decides her best chance of getting home is to recruit the help of this worlds spider themed superhero. However, when he takes off his mask and she's face to face with an adult version of her best friend, things get more complicated rather than easier.





	1. Peter

**Author's Note:**

> I have unfortunately not been able to read the Spider-Gwen comics. This is based off of about two hours of internet research, Marvel Rising, and the brief information we get about backstory in Into the Spider-Verse itself, so sorry for inaccuracies on that account.

Everything was off. Not completely off, but enough to make it clear this New York was different from her own. The streets were laid out more or less the same, but they had different names. There was a McDonalds where her New York had a sub place, or a tourist trap instead of a family run general store. The biggest change was the man running around in a blue and red suit calling himself Spider-Man.

Gwen didn’t know how she’d gotten here, but if their Spider-Man was anything like her than he was probably her best bet to figure it out. Luckily he was fairly easy to track down, all she had to do was find a dangerous situation and as predicted he appeared. Following him was harder. If she hadn’t been able to shoot webs and climb walls she wouldn’t have been able to.

The plan had been to confront him directly after the fight, but before she could he’d disappeared. Cursing Gwen had followed, doing her best to stay out of sight. The last thing she wanted was for word to get out in this world about her, at least not until she knew what was going on. Which also gave Spider-Man a leg up on her, as he had apparently no issues being seen. And Gwen had to admit, he knew what he was doing, swinging as fast, if not faster, than her.

It wasn’t until he finally stopped on top of an apartment building that Gwen managed to catch up. As she landed on the roof, Gwen ducked behind some equipment, taking a few seconds to catch her breath. She debated removing her mask, but decided against it. Taking it off while Spider-Man could see would probably be seen as a sign of good will rather than just stepping out without it. 

Taking a deep breath, Gwen turned and looked around the side of the equipment. 

Instead of stepping out, Gwen froze. Her breath caught, eyes fixed on the man in front of her.

Spider-man had removed his mask and was working on slipping out of the suit as well, changing back into normal clothes. He wasn’t looking at her, but his profile was enough for Gwen to recognize him instantly. He was older. A lot older, and for some reason his hair was blonde. Even with those differences, she knew who he was. There was no mistaking Peter Parker. Not for her.

Peter was alive. He was there and he was okay, and for some reason he was Spider-Man. The spider must have bitten him instead of her. He was the one who had gotten powers.

_“I just… just... wanted to be special… like you…”_

Quickly Gwen closed her eyes, pushing away the memory, trying to focus on what was happening in front of her. Letting out a breath she opened her eyes again, trying to focus. She needed to talk to him, needed to tell Peter what was going on. A mixture of surprise and guilt kept her in place though, silently watching. It wasn’t until the metal door to the stairs clanged shut behind him that she finally unfroze.

Stepping out, Gwen looked down at her suit. She couldn’t run through an apartment building wearing a costume. She especially couldn’t show up at Peter’s door in it. If he was a superhero, than this world’s Gwen probably wasn’t, and seeing her in the suit would just confuse things even more. Which meant she needed a change of clothes.

Her eyes scanned the ground around her, landing on a store selling cheesy New York t-shirts. Not great, but it would work. Stealing also wasn’t great, but at the moment it was her only choice. At least the shirts were on sale, and probably hadn’t cost that much to make. Finding pants was going to be harder.

Taking a deep breath, Gwen glanced back at the door to the stairs, before jumping off the side of the building.

~~~

Finding a set of clothes hadn’t been an easy task, especially well trying not to be seen. Gwen had done the whole wanted criminal thing before, doing it again didn’t sound super fun. Which meant it took a longer time than she wanted to finally get back to the apartment building. It took less time to figure out which apartment was Peter’s, but still longer than she would have liked.

Despite how long it took, she found herself hesitating when she reached the apartment. Peter was here and on the other side of the door. It was hard to wrap her mind around, hard to believe this wasn’t some elaborate prank. That her best friend was alive.

This was going to be fine. She just had to stick to the script and not get overly emotional. She could do that, no problem. Taking a deep breath, Gwen forced herself to reach up and knock on the door.

There was a rather long pause before the door finally opened. Instead of Peter though, Gwen found herself looking at a woman. It only took a second for her brain to match the face of the woman with one of her best friends. Older, like Peter was, but unmistakably Em Jay.

“Can I help you?” Em Jay asked, smiling slightly, though she also looked confused and… cautious? There was a slight hesitation, a defensive way she held herself that wasn’t present in the Em Jay that Gwen knew. Maybe it was something that came with getting older. Or maybe she knew the truth about Peter and it came from that. Would the Em Jay in her world start holding herself that way if she knew about Gwen?

Trying to push past the weirdness and focus on what was happening, Gwen forced herself to look up at the woman “I need to talk to Peter.”

“I’m sorry?” Em Jay seemed more cautious now as she looked down at Gwen “May I ask who you are?” 

That wasn’t what Gwen had been expecting., but it was fine. If this was a world where Peter and Em Jay were already in their twenties then it stood to reason that the Gwen of this world would be too. Maybe that was it. She looked different then their Gwen had as a teen, or Em Jay hadn’t processed that it was a younger version. If Peter could be blonde, who knew what the Gwen here looked like.

Taking a deep breath, Gwen looked up at her “This is probably going to sound crazy, but I promise I’m telling you the truth. I’m Gwen Stacy.”  
Em Jay just looked at her in confusion for a moment, and Gwen assumed she was processing what she had said. Looking her over again to try and match up the girl in front of her with the twenty year old that Em Jay knew. Trying to figure out if this was a trick or-

“I’m sorry but I don’t know who you are. Could you tell me what you are hoping to speak to my husband about?” 

Gwen stopped. Everything she had been planning to say was gone, and besides it didn’t matter anymore anyway. She had been expecting to not be recognized, to have to convince them she was who she claimed to be. But for Em Jay to not only not recognize her, but to clearly have no idea who Gwen Stacy was… not know who she was…

Peter would know her. Peter would recognize her. No matter how different this world was, Peter would still know who she was, just like she had instantly known him.

“I just- I need to talk to Peter. Please Em Jay-”

“Em Jay?” She looked back at Gwen, still confused as she added “How do you-”

“Mary Jane?” The voice hit Gwen harder than seeing him had. Without the visual there was no way to know it was a different person. It was just Peter. He was here. He was alive. “Who’s at the door?”

“A girl- she says her name is Gwen?”

“Gwen?”

There was confusion in the voice, but that might not mean anything. Maybe it was just weird for her to be here. It was late at night after all, under normal circumstances she would have called first.

Then he was standing there, and Gwen knew the truth. There was no recognition in his eyes, not even confusion or surprise, just curiosity. Her best friend was standing in front of her, and he had no idea who she was. Despite herself, Gwen softly said “Peter?” 

“That’s me,” Peter agreed, still looking at her curiously “Can I help you?”

Gwen took a step away from the door. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t stand there and look at her best friend when he had no idea who she was. Somehow that was worse than if she hadn’t been able to see him at all. To have him back but like this…

Gwen turned and ran down the hallway. She heard him call her name. Peter calling her name. Peter saying her name as he ran up to her, voice excited to tell her about his new Spider-Woman theory. Peter laughing to hard to Em Jay’s joke. Yelling as he fell backwards. Whispering his final words.

She pushed out of the fire escape. She felt a tug on her fingers as she pushed open the door, but she ignored it, pulling them away roughly. Without thinking she pushed herself up on railing, dropping down to the next level and so on. As soon as she hit the ground Gwen was running again.

Peter was still calling her name, though Gwen wasn’t sure if it was real or in her head. It didn’t matter. She needed to get away from it, needed the memories to stop playing over and over in her head. Peter falling backwards, out of her reach. His body on the ground. His eyes- Peter’s eyes- looking straight through her like a stranger. She needed to out run the echoing of his voice. 

It was a long time before she finally came to a stop. Ducking into an alley, Gwen leaned against the wall, letting out shaky breaths as she tried to calm down. Her hands were shaking, and it took a few minutes before she was able to seperate them from the pants she had found. Even than bits of the fibers were stuck to her fingers.

Slowly she let herself move down so she was sitting on the ground, knees pulled up as she continued to try and catch her breath. 

There was the “thwap” of a web hitting a building. Glancing up, Gwen managed to catch a glimpse of the red suit swinging past high above her. Spider-Man off to help someone in trouble, or possibly looking for her. Part of her wondered if she should push herself up to go help, but he didn’t need her. This world had their own superhero, just like they had their own Em Jay. Their own Peter.

He might look and sound the same, but he wasn’t the Peter that Gwen had known. No matter how much she wanted it, the man she had meet would never be her Peter.


	2. Em Jay

It had been a week since she arrived. Gwen hadn’t dared to go back and ask Spider-Man for help. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. For some reason her spider sense had drawn her towards Brooklyn Visions Academy instead, and it had been surprisingly easy to slip into the ranks of students. So, by day she pretended to be a standard high schooler, and at night she slipped out of her dorm to search for answer about what the hell was going on.

So far she hadn’t managed to find much of anything. There were a few hints, but nothing that lead to much, and once she'd reached the school her spider sense hadn’t bothered to lead her to anything. There had been the boy earlier. The way his hands had seemed to stick to her had seemed to line up pretty well with how her own powers had manifested. Part of her wondered if he was like her, being pulled into this universe against his will, but that wasn’t exactly something you wanted to bring up until you were sure. Besides, the kid seemed pretty new to his powers, even if he was from another world too it didn’t seem like he’d be much help.

Tonight had been just as uneventful as the rest, but Gwen didn’t want to go back to the academy yet. What she wanted was to swing around, something that always helped her clear her head, but she was also very aware of how little web fluid she actually had left. Maybe she could slip into the science lab and make more. If she was going to do that though, she should head back sooner rather than later.

Sighing, Gwen reluctantly changed directions to head back towards the school. However, as she passed over one of the many side streets around Time Square something caught her eye, an image on one of the big screens that made Gwen change directions.

At first she thought she must be making it up, but as she got closer it was clear she wasn’t. There was a picture of Spider-Man, and next to it a picture of Peter, blonde hair brushed to the side. It wasn’t until Gwen found a perch on the top of one of the buildings that she finally read the words along the bottom of the screen.

“New York’s Hero, Spider-Man, Found Dead At 26.”

Dead.

Gwen felt her stomach drop. Her breath quicken.

_“Teenager Peter Parker was found dead early tonight. The only other person on the scene was the mysterious Spider-Woman, who the police believe attacked and killed the boy…”_

_Peter flying backwards. His body on the ground._

No.

Gwen cut off the thoughts, trying to focus on steading her breathing over the racing thoughts. He was not her Peter.

He had seemed to be everything her Peter had wanted. He was a hero, swinging around New York and saving anyone he could. The people of New York seemed to love him, or at least loved Spider-Man. He had grown into his looks, becoming undeniably handsome in a way her Peter hadn’t had the chance to. And he was with Em Jay, who Peter had had a crush on for as long as Gwen could remember.

Yet he had died all the same. Far older than her Peter had, but still younger than he should have been. Maybe that was just the fate of Peter Parker, regardless of what universe he was from. Somehow that didn’t make her feel better.

The thought of web fluid was long gone. Instead of hurrying back to school, Gwen just sat on top of the building. Reaching up, she pulled of her hood and mask, looking at the screen in front of her as she waited for information to unfold.

~~~

The city seemed to be at a stand still. Shops were closed. School was canceled. Flower stands were selling out, and everyone was crowding towards city hall.

Eventually, when it became clear that all the information that was going to be given had been, Gwen had made herself get up and go back to the academy to change. Then she was out again, wandering streets on foot before reaching city hall, were a crowd was already forming. Most of them were wearing masks or costumes, and the irony that Gwen was standing in a crowd of people wearing spider masks while she wasn’t, wasn’t lost on her.

It took a long time before a woman, who Gwen assumed was the mayor, came on stage, approaching the microphone to speak. The focus was of course on Spider-Man, talking about how wonderful he was. How much good he had done for the city and how greatly he would be missed. It was awful, but Gwen couldn’t help a feeling jealousy creeping through her. She wasn’t on the run from the cops anymore, but she also wasn’t anywhere near loved. If Spider-Woman died there would be nothing near this level of honor. Likely no one would even care.

“Now, it is my honor to invite someone to speak who knew Spider-Man better than any of us could have. Perhaps more importantly, who knew Peter Parker.”

The woman stepped aside, and there was Em Jay. Gwen was close enough to be able to make out the woman’s face. “My name is Mary Jane Parker…”

Gwen barely heard the words she was saying as she watched the woman. The way her hands were clenching the side of the podium. The measured voice. Back straighter than it would ever normally be. Everything being forced into being steady.

It took everything for Gwen to not rush forward to help. It would be easy for her to get on the stage. Em Jay shouldn’t have to be doing this by herself. One of her best friend was up there, clearly hurting, and every part of Gwen wanted to comfort her. To try and make it better.

Except the woman on the stage wasn’t her best friend. When Peter died, Em Jay had been a mess, her grief mainly taking the form of anger, most of which had been directed at Spider-Woman. Even when Em Jay had tried to comfort Gwen, the anger had never really died away. She would never have been able to give an emotional speech the way Mary Jane was. No matter how hard she tried, anger would have crept into Em Jay’s voice. There would have been comments about finding who did this. Making sure they paid. That wasn’t what Mary Jane wanted, or at least, not what she was saying.

This wasn’t how Em Jay would have reacted. That information alone kept Gwen from jumping up to try and comfort her. The woman on the stage was Mary Jane Parker. She was not Gwen’s friend, in fact this woman had no idea who she was. 

No matter how similar the two looked, she was not Gwen’s Em Jay.


	3. Fault

After achieving almost nothing for a week, the last couple days had been crazy. After looking into the details of Blonde Peter’s death, things had started to click into place, leading Gwen to the lab and to running into the kid from school, and yet another Peter Parker.

Peter B. was harder to ignore than Blonde Peter had been. Not only did he look more like her Peter, but he also acted more like him. There was the doubt and self consciousness that Blonde Peter had seemed to lack. A sense of humor that was eerily similar.

Despite the similarities though, Gwen had pushed away her feelings, just reminding herself over and over that he wasn’t her Peter. Now that things had finally slowed down into a small break though, some feelings had come back, and seeing Noir and Spider-Pig hadn’t helped. Obviously they looked and sounded nothing like her Peter, but they were still the Peter Parkers of their realities. Peter’s who had also been bitten…

She had made her way to the roof of the house, hoping to just have some time alone. For awhile this worked, but eventually she felt the slight tingling on the back of her next. Sighing, she   
turned, but to her surprise the person walking towards her on the roof wasn’t one of the other spider people, but May. “Mrs. Parker- what are you doing up here?” 

“This is where Peter used to come to think after he got his powers,” May replied, moving over to sit next to her “When I noticed you were gone I figured it was a fair bet to check here.” 

“I just needed some time to think-” Gwen replied, shrugging a bit, not completely sure what to say. It kind of surprised her that May had even noticed she was missing, let alone come looking for her. She wasn’t sure why though, it was exactly something the May Parker of her world would have done.

“I can understand that, this is all quite a bit to take in,” May nodded, “I can leave if you like, but I wanted to come check.” 

“No, it’s alright- I mean- it’s your roof,” Gwen shrugged, giving the woman a small smile as she did so.

“I suppose you have a point,” May agreed, returning the small smile, though when Gwen went back to looking away from her, she spoke up again “You have some sort of connection to Peter, don’t you? The Peter in your world I mean-” 

“I- yeah I do,” Gwen admitted, looking over at the woman again. She somehow seemed younger than her world’s May, and more sure of herself. Maybe that’s where Blonde Peter had gotten it from. “How did you know?” 

“I can see the way you look at Peter B- your reaction when you met Noir,” May shrugged a bit “It wasn’t terribly hard to piece together.” 

Gwen nodded a bit, though she had thought she was being subtle about all of this. After a second of she spoke “He was my best friend- you guys moved in next door when we were both pretty young, so Peter and I would play all the time. Em Jay joined us when we were in middle school-” 

“Was?” She asked softly, looking over at Gwen, who looked away instead.

“He died- about a year ago-” 

“I’m sorry.” There was a pause, than a gentle hand rested on Gwen’s arm “I know it’s difficult to see all of these Peter’s alive and well when you’re own isn’t.” 

“It’s not that- at least- not entirely.” Gwen wasn’t completely sure why she was telling her this, but it seemed this May Parker was just as comforting as the one Gwen knew “I got here a week ago. The first thing I did was find your Peter, but he didn’t even know who I was. I’ve had a week to remind myself that he wasn’t my Peter. Peter B. isn’t either.” 

“What is it than?” 

“It’s just- when I found out Peter was Spider-Man here, I thought it was a fluke. I thought this was the universe where the spider happened to bite Peter instead of me-” Gwen shook her head, not completely sure if any of this made sense. She didn’t fully understand it herself “But it turns out my world is the outlier. In every other universe Peter is the one that got powers. Even Peni is her universe’s version of Peter. I’m the fluke, not the other way around.”

“I suppose that would be rather odd,” May agreed, though she was looking over at Gwen curiously “It’s more than that though, isn’t it?” 

Gwen let out a breath, looking out at the houses in front of them for a moment as she thought about the comment. Of course there was more to it than that. There was so much to it though, she wasn’t completely sure how to explain it.

“Peter admired Spider-Woman, and what he wanted more than anything was to be like her. Like me. His last words were about wanting to be like me, and it turns out he was supposed to be,” Gwen let out a shaky breath, looking down at her hands “If the spider had bitten him instead of me like it was supposed to, than he would be alive right now.”

“There’s no absolutes between universes. The spider bites who it’s supposed to. If it was supposed to bite your Peter than it would have,” May said gently. Her voice was so reassuring that Gwen wanted to believe her.

Despite that, Gwen shook her head “I couldn’t save him- and it turns out the only reason he was in danger at all was because the spider decided by some freak coincidence to bite me instead, something that didn’t happen in any other universe.”

“I don’t think it was a coincidence. If the spider biting Peter was a coincidence than it wouldn’t have happened time and time again. Every single spider-person I’ve met over the last few days took the power they were given and used it to help people however they could.” Gwen looked over at May curiously as she continued to speak “If who got Spider-Man’s powers was completely random, than that wouldn’t have been the case. At least one of you would just be using the powers for your own gain, or ignoring them all together. But not one of you has done that. Even Miles, who still has so much to learn, came here to try and help.”

“You’re saying you think the spider choose me?” Gwen asked, and she couldn’t completely hide the disbelief in her voice. She couldn’t help it. It was a genetically engineered spider, not a mystical spirit. Even if it was deliberately looking for someone to bite, it had had no idea who she was.

“I don’t think the spider itself did, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was something greater at work,” May replied, glancing over at Gwen and giving her a small smile “And obviously whatever it was had a pattern, but something about you made it veer from it. You must be a very special person, Gwen Stacey.”

Gwen couldn’t help but smile a bit at that, though she shook her head “I wish I was sure about that as you. I’m pretty sure it was just a freak accident-” 

“Perhaps you’re right,” May conceded, though in a way that hinted she was pretty sure Gwen was not, without really being condescending “But either way, I hope you know what happened wasn’t your fault. You didn’t ask the spider to bite you, and even if your Peter had become Spider-Man you don’t know what would have happened.”

For a moment Gwen just looked at the world in front of her for a moment before speaking “Even if the spider wasn’t my fault- what happened still was. I still wasn’t able to save him.” 

“Everyone has someone they couldn’t save. You didn’t know what was going to happen. If you are anything like my Peter than I’m sure you did everything in your power to save him. Sometimes bad things happen, sometimes there are people you can’t save. That doesn’t make what happened to them your fault.” May reached over to squeeze Gwen’s arm a bit again, before pushing herself up “I’ll leave you alone for awhile.” 

“Thank you, Mrs. Parker,” Gwen said softly, glancing over to give May a small smile, before looking away again. 

For a long time she just sat, thinking over everything the older woman had said. She still wasn’t sure how she felt about the idea that there was some great force making the spider bite her instead of Peter, but the rest of it had rung at least partly true. Even if it was a freak accident, it wasn’t her fault it had decided to bite her instead.

Peter’s death though, there was still so much guilt wrapped up in that. But there was some truth to what May had said as well. She hadn’t forced Peter to take the serum, and if she hadn’t done anything than who knew how many lives would have been lost. These were all things she had tried to force herself to believe before though, and there was still a nagging thought that she should have found another way.

Still, if May had been right about the spider, than maybe she was right about this as well. Maybe, just maybe, Peter’s death truly wasn’t her fault.


End file.
